I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
