Why are handjobs necessary in class?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
