Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
