I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
