She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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