Do you still have your period?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
