I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
