I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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