THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You don't make any sense
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