never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
