Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
