and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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