I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
