Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
