Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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