even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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