even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
