Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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