i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
