I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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