Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
