I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
