and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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