their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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