Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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