There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
