Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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