I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
