I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
