Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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