I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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