My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
