I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
