Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
