How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
