The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
