i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
