Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
