do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
