i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can I color on your dick again?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
