you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
