I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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