ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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