Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
