This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
even my farts smell like vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
