we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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