dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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