People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
