If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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