in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize