I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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