is your mom at the bar?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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