I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just high enough for therapy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
