Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
40s are totally the cure
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
