so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
