And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
