Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
