what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
