is your mom at the bar?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
