Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
