I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
