He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
