Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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