he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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