I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
