im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
