He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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