You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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