I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize