Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
