You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He did a backflip because drugs
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
