so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize