Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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