we have officially lost it.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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