They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
