thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
