I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
