I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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