so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who died my cat blue again?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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