We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think my moral compass just broke
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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