Already got asked if we're dating
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
