i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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