Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
