I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
